4

Doing Things That Scare Me

It’s the second week of January—have you forgotten your resolutions already? In a normal year I might say yes, but not this year. I can’t forget my resolutions this year, because I wrote them on a long piece of paper and posted it to the wall by my bed. It’s the first thing I see when I open my eyes each day. A reminder of the life I want to lead.

My resolutions aren’t what you might think of as resolutions. They’re not the icky things like “lose ten pounds” or “stop [insert bad behavior of choice here].” This year I took a different approach. Rather than a list of things I want not to do in the new year—how about a list of things I want to do? A list of goals. A list of dreams. A list of intentions.

The first draft of this post was called “Being Intentional,” but I changed the name because quite frankly, some of my intentions—some of my dreams—scare me.

I was guided this year by a couple of people. Chris Guillebeau conducts an annual review of his life and work—evaluating successes and failures and planning for the next year. What I loved is that he breaks his goals down. Instead of just saying, “I want to run a marathon,” he breaks it down into smaller pieces. What will it take each day and week to work up to a marathon? If you want to set big goals, you need a road map of how to get there.

I also enjoyed Donald Miller’s post on Living A Good Story: An Alternate Approach to New Year’s Resolutions. Donald looks at himself as a character in his own story. It’s a very writerly approach, but good suggestions about visualizing outcomes. It got me thinking.

I always come back to my dear Andrea Scher and her wonderful site Superhero Designs. A few years back Andrea started talking about her New Year’s rituals and the Mondo Beyondo lists she made of her dreams and hopes. I was inspired then and I’m inspired now. So inspired that I took the Mondo Beyondo online course she and Jen Leman have put together (highly recommend it!). If you don’t admit to yourself what you truly want, what will make your heart happy, how is it ever going to happen?

My final inspiration in this process was Maggie Mason, known to many as Mighty Girl. Maggie is a forties film star incarnated (one of those who were sexy, smart, and funny, with gorgeous eyebrows to boot). She is also a dreamer, who turns those dreams into action. Maggie wrote her own life list of 100 things she wanted to do before she died, and Intel sponsored some of her goals—such as going to Greece and taking tap dancing classes (see what I mean about forties film star?).

I took a bit from all these people, and came up with a process that worked for me. First I broke things down into categories.

Health—what do I want to include in my health life this year? Doctors appointments I may have been putting off? New activities like rowing or yoga? What is going to make me feel good this year?

Finances—what are my goals here? What are my priorities with the money I have available to me? This year I want to start a savings account dedicated to putting money aside to take my nieces traveling when they are older. If I start now, I can start small and it will accrue over the next ten years. If I don’t make it a goal, it’s not going to happen.

Community/Activities—here are lots of juicy things, what I want the shape of my year to look like. What classes do I want to try, what activities are important to me? Do I want to start a book club? Host a cherry blossom party? Get involved with the sustainability movement? Yes, yes, and yes. These are the ways I want to invest my time. This is a fun section to write, even more fun to do.

Travel—some of my travel plans for the year have been in place for a while, other ideas are from my life list and I threw them in for fun. I’m not sure I’ll have the time or money to go to Cambridge this year, but if I don’t prioritize it I’m sure it’s not going to happen. Plane tickets rarely fall out of the sky and land in my lap (sometimes they do, but not often). If I look at it every day, I’ll be wondering how I can make it happen.

Work—we all do it, we should probably all have goals for it. Mine are ambitious this year: two books I want to write, other things as well. We’ll see how it goes, but I know where my path leads, in what direction I should be walking. Now it’s just up to me to make it happen.

Relationships—this is where I think about the people in my life and how I want to invest in them. My best friend has been warned that she will be hearing from me more often, other people will be getting letters and cards over the course of the year. Meg is coming to Seattle this summer—she just doesn’t know it yet. I may be going to LA to see Heidi. Who is it that matters to you and how are you going to interact with them? I want to be more intentional about this.

The thing is, life gets fast and busy—it’s unavoidable. Now, at the beginning of the year, I want to make some time to think about what I would like this year to look like. I am lucky to have this time—we are all lucky, for each and every day. How do I want to spend mine?

Of course, there is always the possibility that I’ll stop looking at my list of goals—that I’ll take it down by February because I’m sad I’m not living up to my plans, and annoyed with myself for failing. This is true. I won’t lie. Posting something where you can see it doesn’t mean it’s going to happen. It’s a choice I make—we all make—each and every moment. To walk towards the life we want to live, or to stay where we are.

My list for this year contains some items that scare me. I’m not sure I can do all the things I want (two books in a year—am I crazy?), but isn’t that dizzying, exciting, terrifying feeling part of the fun? And if I don’t try—don’t even think about trying—then I am sure it’ll never happen.

I picked up a card at an art store yesterday that sums things up for me right now:

I am pushing myself a bit, trying to forge ahead. I am trying to think of a way I can make my list something special, something beautiful that I would love to look at each day. Maybe I could transform it into an art project rather than a boring bullet list—the art project of my life. I’m still pondering how to do this, but for now I’m writing my goals in color as they are accomplished (I’ve already done three of them!).

As my list comes to life, my life will be illuminated by the colors of my dreams.

Some of the things I’m doing this year, in case you want to join:

Reading a book a week

Doing a Flickr 365 Photo Project

Participating in the monthly CanJam canning challenge

Taking a self-portrait a week (this will be the hardest for me, I’d much rather be behind the camera)

What do you want to the colors of your year to be this year?